When suddenly, a black helicopter being piloted by me appears, flying out of the sunset! I climb down the rope ladder, pull out my staple gun, switch it to automatic and open fire on Ren's vehicle.

I wonder why nobody noticed me wandering aimlessly around...

And then hitch a ride on Sam's helicopter and proceed to commandeer it

I finally stop being stuck to the bottom of the freezer by ice, and run, ripping Mr. Sniffles's very long tongue out and lassooing it around the helicopter, so I swing and land on Ren's car.

I hit the car repeatedly with Mr. Sniffles, and the roof, along with Mr. Sniffles's lower jaw, breaks. I pull the lead over Ren's neck in an attempt to strangle him.

I find a conveniently placed med-pack and heal myself, then climb out of the hole and see everyone ripping around the mall in oddly placed vehicles.

Then Ren's car comes toward me, and I jump just in time to land on the roof.

I load my gun again and procceded to open fire on the helicopter.

I throw Sam out the window in an attempt to block XIII's bullets
Which, amazingly, works

I get hit by VIII, so stop trying to strangle Ren and hit him a couple of times with Mr. Sniffles. This ends rather swiftly as sam g falls from the sky and lands on us, pushing us all into the car. I attatch the lead on Ren to Mr. Sniffles's tongue, and he flies out, leaving me, sam and XIII to fight.

*Cue pokemon battle music*

I, uh... get shot a lot, and fall from a helicopter. I think I'm dead.
Not for long, though!

I realise that sam is dead, so I nail him to Mr. Sniffles and use them both as a bludgeon. I repeatedly hit XIII over the head with it.

I fly around, wantonly killing pigeons!

I respawn, riding on the back of a pigeon and holding a sledgehammer. I guide my avian steed towards Jed while screaming, "Kill! Kill!"

I tilt a bit so the pigeon will fly into the blades

What blades? Oh right. Those ones.
I disembark my mount and grab onto Jed's ankles, as the pigeon gets chewed up into pulp.

I fall out thanks to the extra weight of Sam unbalancing me.

Then the helicopter crashes to the ground

*clap clap*

I spring to my feet, pick up my sledgehammer and fracture Bryghtside's skull with it.

I hold out my sickle and my electromagnet. I target sam g's hammer, and try to drag him towards me, holding the sickle at neck height.

I pick up the skull fragments and make myself a fashionable gauntlet
Then whack Sir with it

After crawling to the mechanised hugging store to recooperate with magic hugs from robo mom, I set to work building a new mechanised set or bionic legs using my God powers and then set to work looking for THE LAST CHOCOLATE FUDGE ICE CREAM (TLCFIC) - however my only clue is Ren's destroyed carcous of a car, and the Pokemon music which is growing in volume. Unfortunately forgetting i'm epileptic I once again have a full blown seizure when I come upon the battle.

I let go of my sledgehammer and it goes flying into Azraellod's face.
"Next time, try sellotaping my hands to the shaft!" I yell triumphantly.

SirBryghtside:

Spoiler: Click to View

I reason with Sir to work together, and kill everything else!

After getting my head smashed in, I respawn.

I appear in the woodwork section. After looking around, I grab 2 carving saws and a bag of chisels. I head back into the fight, and start to throw my chisels at SirBryghtside.

I duck from the first few, and block the others with Mr. Sniffles/sam, apart from one, which stabs into my hand. I go mad with fury, and throw THE LAST CHOCOLATE FUDGE ICE CREAM ten stories below. I instantly regret it, and jump down, luckily landing on some guy with robot legs or something...

SirBryghtside:

Spoiler: Click to View

I curse as Sir throws the ice cream away, then take over, subtlely landing us safely on top of the guy with robot legs.
We then share the ice cream

I burst out of the ice cream, holding a can of hair spray and a lighter. "Happy birthday, motherfuckers!" I yell, then begin igniting things.

NEVER! I grab Jed from behind, taking him away from the ice cream. Sir stares at me

"You cannot win, Ren, the ice cream is mine! You are defenseless!", he says.
"Am I really?"

Sir looks in horror as I reveal the lightsaber I had lost earlier in my hand... With a swift move, I cut Sir's hand, grab the LAST CHOCOLATE FUDGE ICE CREAM and kick Sir out of the way.

Using the handcuffs I had taken from the police officer earlier, I hadcuff Sir and Jed to the railing.

Malevolent then does the most evil act ever, turns up the heat, melting the final fudge ice cream. He also puts on Scatman, just for larfs.

Not even I like me when I'm angry.

HULK SMASH!

Luckily, as soon as sam started setting things of fire, I ran away into the department store, straight to the ice cream section. I take an isothermal bag and lots of ice, and put the ice cream inside.

Time to hide it.

Several Pyros charge Ren, kill him, and incinerate his ice cream, sent by Malevolent, no doubt.

HAHA, I had switched the ice cream with a decoy. I respawn back in the department store, grab the real LAST CHOCOLATE FUDGE ICE CREAM and hide it in another store.

What he failed to notice was there was a spy trailing him. The spy backstabs him, takes THE LAST CHOCOLATE FUDGE ICE CREAM, and brings it to Malevolent, who eats it, watching the hell over the cameras.

NOOOOOOOO. Damn spies. It's time for revenge.

Since Malevolent failed to repair the multiple entry points in the control room, I sneak up in there, wielding a power drill, and drill into his brain.

Hope that ice cream was worth it.

You drill into a decoy. Which was the spy, who collapsed, cursing.

The real Malevolent sneeaks up behind him, punches his lights out, drags him into a soundproof closet with diamond walls, and ties his arms and legs to a floorbound chair, takes all weapons, pulls out all his teeth, and then forces him to listen to hannah montanna's entire works on a loop on an ipod out of his reach. Cackling maniacally, he then spawns a CHOCOLATE FUDGE ICE CREAM POP SICLE and dangles it several feet out of his reach as well, waking him back up with an electric shock, he slams the door shut, bars it, and throws away the key.

I swallow my own tongue, killing myself, and respawn right behind Malevolent.

"Looking for someone?" I say, grabbing him and breaking his neck.

I also burn all music CDs in the control room, making sure that Hannah Montana can no longer attack us.